Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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