What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
