K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
