can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
