Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
