Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
