I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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