It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How does one acquire holy water?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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