Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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