Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dignity is for republicans.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
50% drunk capacity currently
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
