Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize