id be glad to
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
