ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize