I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So vagazzling was a success
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
