Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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