so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
