I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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