me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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