I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
