Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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