I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
