dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
