You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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