My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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