We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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