I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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