there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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