The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
