Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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