you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
