I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
