glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Randomize
