My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
