You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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