I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
