he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
