my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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