I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
