I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
