she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
