I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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