It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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