Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
