I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
