I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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