So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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