ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
