I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize