I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize