dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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