The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
