I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
