I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So apparently I’m into choking now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
