You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
