are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
