and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
