There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
