I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
