in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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