if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
