Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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