Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
