Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Randomize
