I like to think it a success when the cops are called
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
