i don't like sucking hair
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
