ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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