Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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